Dear Martian

I cannot believe I went this long on a cross-cultural communication blog without touching upon cross-fires between men and women. Here's the most recent story that explains why the Mars and Venus series are best sellers:

Scene: A friend promises to introduce an eligible bachelor to a chiquelette.

Enter: The eligible bachelor sends an email almost mistaken as spam, titled "hey."

(Some sort of) communication begins: "You come highly recommended..." (Who? What? A UPS package arriving at your door? The menu at a three-star hotel restaurant?)

Communication (hardly) continues: "Your friend warned me that your Turkish." (Too bad the bar exam doesn't check for insensitive idiots who can't spell.)

"What is it that you actually do?" the Martian asks. Chiquelette patiently explains. She politely asks what he does even though she knows -- she is already ticked off, she's just waiting to strike. And he delivers: "That doesn't sound like much of a job anyhow. How much are you paying your employer for that?" Unaware of his gastly mistake, the flirt 101 drop out continues, "I went to Turkey, loved the food. Do you cook like that? If so, that should be the first thing you should tell people about yourself," he wraps up in a bad salvo.

Chiquelette smacks: "People have to do and say a lot before I cook for them, none of which include the statements you just made. This is a very poor beginning," she writes - but she means the end.

Martian writes back apologizing and encouraging chiquelette to re-read his messages and find the light tone in them.

Chiquelette deletes his emails. She makes a mental note to ask her friend what she exactly had in mind when she said "he is really funny."

The Martian, Mr. Hey and others don't realize but it's actually pretty easy to reach her. A simple hello. And if you're interested, don't dally, just say so. Oufff!