Death From Afar

Today my best friend's mom died. I got the message after the fact, when I was haphazardly checking my personal email at work to take a break. I saw a note from my highschool discussion board. When I clicked it open, I was surprised to see the message had my name. I tried to think of other people with my name in our class, but then realized that I was the only one. When I read on, it hit me! My best friend's mom had died after a long battle with lung cancer. Another dear friend who had lost my contact information was letting me know and telling me to give her a call.

After delaying a simple call for weeks to this girl shouldering the weight of the world, I realized the time to pick up the damn phone had come. Without hesitation, I dialed her numbers. I started of course with the wrong one, but ended up leaving a voicemail at work. I started crying towards the end of my sentence and struggled to finish in an even tone. I then dial her cell: turned off. I rang the house number. Her brother-in-law picked up and told me she was sleeping. I'll call again tomorrow.

My friend, my dear friend. So alone now... 30 is too young to lose a mother. Is there any age when it's old enough? I don't think so...

I feel stranded and crippled being too far to travel home to wish her my condolences in person. I wish I could be there. Maybe it's better that I'm not. I would not be able to stay calm and cry my eyes out in front of her and her family. Still, unable to touch...unable to make a difference...could I? Distance gets in the way, minds remain connected.